Journal Excerpt // 1.31.23
It’s been awhile since I wrote anything in this journal. I now write knowing I have three healthy baby girls in my home. The oldest two eating lunch and playing some game that has them giggling. & my two-week old newborn asleep behind me in her crib.
Fletcher Ann Hill came into the world on January 16th at 11:30 am. I labored for 5 hours only but I LABORED. i was induced that morning & got the epidural in when my IV bag was half way down- but I kept feeling the contractions progress (knowing I shouldn’t have been feeling them at this point anymore) and come to find out, my epidural had a “kink” in it. So, birth pain I felt.
And it’s so comical to me because before I got the pitocin in, Drew read a passage of scripture aloud to me. It was John 16, where Jesus was telling His disciples He will be leaving, but will return & all believers will rejoice- He then compared the sorrow of His absence to the sorrow of childbearing. It’s extremely painful, yet when that babe finally arrives, all anguish disappears and our joy is FULL.
“When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.” John 16:21
& it’s this verse (words spoken by Jesus), my husband’s prayers and encouraging words in my ears, & his arms holding me that got me through those intense moments of contractions and the more intense moment where she was coming, yet I couldn’t push because they were setting up, and breathing through that pain and the pain that comes trying to get her out as fast as I could. Fast, hard breathing with tears and a scream or two that I couldn’t keep down. & she came…and her cry was the best sound I heard that day that was anticipated for 39 weeks. My sweet girl was FINALLY was here to hold and kiss and that I did and I do it OFTEN!
The fear of having a third girl had completely disappeared. The Lord has affirmed through many- this is what is ordained and meant for me & girls need their mamas. How special it is I’ll get to help shape these three into women of God. Ahh…just thanking God for what He has given & shown me in the last two weeks already.
Currently, time for me has seemed to slow down as He’s urged me to delight in every moment. Even the 3 am feedings & sleep deprivation. I will not get this time back with Fletcher after its season is over. It’s all being used for His glory and I am learning what it means to be in THE moment and enjoy my littles while they are still little.
Life looks like balancing several things at once now, but not in a chaotic way. Delighting in this new season, I get to focus on one thing at a time instead of trying to multitask everything I think I “have” to get done in the home. These are the things I get to do daily and there are times when some just don’t fit into my schedule: caring for our newborn girl, homeschooling Sadie & Ella, easing back into our prepartum routine, working out, cooking/cleaning, missionary school training, finishing out the rest of what my photography business needs me to, and being patient for what The Lord has for us this 2023 year! There seems to be SO much going on, right? But, truly God is steadying me and I am learning to do each thing well and what I can without becoming overwhelmed (because I so easily do get overwhelmed).
*also noting that I haven’t had to cook one meal during these two weeks because our church family, fam, and friends have provided us with MEALS every night and it’s been the most humbling thing and we are so blessed & loved by these people!!
This season truly is joyful. Not without struggle. The first 4 days of Fletcher Ann’s life, this mama was crying her eyes out with only 6 total hours of sleep in the span of those 4 days. It was rough. & I was at a crossroads with breastfeeding vs. formula feeding. Postpartum can be a rollercoaster with so many random emotions, but I am so thankful for the support I have around me and most importantly, The God I serve who sees me and inclines His ear to me…He walks me through every messy part of this postpartum life.
Baby girl is an ANSWERED prayer. Without going into too much detail, as a single mom- I truly thought Ella was my last baby. Now, I know Fletcher isn’t even going to be the last (not hinting at anything happening anytime soon, but sharing the desires we have as a fam)- God willing!
FLETCHER’S 2 WEEK CHECK UP: little one weighs 7 lbs 15 oz. She grew half an inch (20 inches long) and the NP said she’s doing really well and Fletch didn’t even cry. A champ.
Fletcher is starting to grunt now as she wakes up slowly. (cutest noises ever!!).
Lord, cause me to remember and delight in this season and let it constantly remind me of Your goodness and Your grace. Make this season a witness for everyone around me of Who You are + what You do for Your people. To God be the glory!
You are TOO GOOD, Lord.
Such a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing. We love your sweet family so much! Love my sweet girls!!!
Beautiful story. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability and wholesomeness, all in one. May you, drew, and big sissy’s delight in our Lord’s blessing (Fletcher!) What a sweet gift she is. Xoxo
Kaylina, you are a treasure! God has not only blessed you in the ways you described but He has also blessed me as a mother – you are an answered prayer this mother has prayed about since I became Drew’s mother over 28 years ago. – a wife who loves the Lord and loves my son and who will be a loving, nurturing mother to his children. May we as mothers continue to serve God and raise up our children to know Him! Love you daughter (in-law).
I just love this! I can’t wait to meet this sweet girl! I so relate to the comment about delighting in the season. It’s been chaotic over here since we had our last baby but man what a sweet season it has been and I’m so thankful for how He steadies us to relish every little moment of these precious little arrows we’ve been given. Congratulations again. I’m so thrilled for your little fam!
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